This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

It seems that with each passing minute we're finding out new information on just how large Rachel Dolezal's web of lies was and we're reminded of easily a web can be unraveled.

All of this "racial talk" has me thinking about an exchange between my husband, a Russian woman, and myself in early May. The Russian woman is a nurse who had visited our home at least once and sometimes twice weekly between December 2014 and May 2015. She was always pleasant and professional and seemed to take a sincere liking to my husband as she often joked and flirted with him while she administered medical care.

During the five months that she attended to TWH (that wonderful husband),three times she was greeted by houseguests who answered the door for me. Twice the guests were introduced as family members and once as a friend.

Now I know that people sometimes have some trouble determining the races of TWH and me. With almond-colored skin, curly dark hair, light brown eyes, and  a thinner nose and lips, often people assume TWH is some sort of Latino/Hispanic specimen. At least they classify him. My milky complexion, green eyes, freckles, and crazy mass of curls are usually met with a  "What are you?" that basically lets me know that to them, my looks don't register as definable. All of the guests were black people, and might I add "obviously black." With the exception of the bald guy, all of them have not olive, not tan, but brown skin and coarser textured hair. None of the guests spoke with foreign accents or anything, and each of them interacted with the Russian woman for a few minutes when she asked how they were enjoying their visit, from whence they came, etc.

After five months and at least twenty visits, TWH felt he had a rapport with the nurse and mentioned that he was excited about an upcoming job interview. Without hesitation the nurse remarked, "Oh you'll definitely get it." TWH replied, "I don't know, it's not exactly my field" and the nurse replied, "But you'll get it because of your race." Both TWH and I were dumbfounded and looked at one another in confusion. Then the nurse clarified, "You know, because you speak Spanish. How old were you when you came here? You don't have much of an accent. Was it difficult for you to learn English like it was for me?"

My husband diplomatically explained that he does not, in fact, speak Spanish and that he was born in New Jersey to two black parents whose ancestors had come to America during slavery. The Russian nurse looked perplexed as she stood silently and I could see the gears turning in her head while equations kept being written and upon and erased from an internal chalkboard because her mind simply couldn't make sense of his features and his blackness.

My husband chuckled and said, "Yeah, people often mistake me for Hispanic" in an attempt to put her at ease and she replied, "But you speak so well... and you live here," referring to our home in a sought-after neighborhood in a zip code with little to no crime, manicured landscaping, quiet cul-de-sacs, etc. Next, she turned to me and asked, "Did you know he black when you were dating him? And you didn't mind?" Before I had a chance to respond, TWH laughed and chimed in, "She's black, too."

Now the nurse's expression teetered between shock and disbelief. She made a beeline over to me, pushed up her sleeve, placed her arm next to mine and exclaimed, "But your skin is lighter than mine!" I flatly replied, "Yes" so she brought out the big guns and said, "But you are so pretty and you speak Russian!!!" Because obviously, beauty and the ability to speak Russian are not allowed in the sphere of blackness. And honestly, what were we doing livinng outside the projects?

TWH laughed while I gave her a serious side eye as I've been down this road too many times to be even slightly amused by her shenanigans. Her questions regarding what social programs we used to obtain a mortgage and attend college were met with silence. I did nothing but stand there in front of her stone-faced as she unloaded every black stereotype on us and tried to understand why they didn't fit us. I watched as her eyes finally noticed the photos of brown people on the wall in our entry way in a collage frame that says "Family is a Blessing" and the African wall hangings, wood carvings, masks, candleholders, etc. that adorn our home.

The nurse didn't say much else as she finished her work and packed up her supplies while the tension hung thick and foreboding in the air. As I retreated to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee I heard her wish my husband good luck in his interview. I felt better, greatly relieved. I hadn't had to go there today. Somehow, she just got it, realized the error of her ways, and silently vowed not to make that same mistake again. Then, unfortunately, she added, "You'll DEFINITELY get the job now if you tell them you're black. You are so lucky, black people get all of the good jobs."

And this, my friends, is why we can't have nice things. Because despite having to earn them, people will automatically assume that we obtained them with our Affirmative Action" cards given out with our larger reparations packet... It's found in the front of the packet — behind the coupons for Kool Aid, but on top of the get out of jail free cards.

PASS/FAIL

This story was enough to make me resurrect the blog...
 

 The internet is abuzz with the story of Rachel Dolezal, the white woman who has been passing for black for several years in Spokane, Washington. While are shrugging their shoulders and dismissing it as a harmless, peculiar happenstance, others are alarmed, offended, and insulted by the chicanery and dishonesty. While there are still many details to come to light, let’s examine what we know so far:

• Dolezal circulated a photo of a black man and claimed him to be her father, but the parents listed on her birth certificate deny that anyone but them is or has been a parent to her. Dolezal with Albert Wilkerson, a black man she claims to be her father, but whom her biological mother claims to have never met.
• Family photos depict her as a blonde-haired, blue-eyed young woman
• She claimed to have been born in a teepee, lived in South Africa, and been subjected to prejudice and abuse while growing up in Mississippi.
• She marked “white, black, Native American, and other” on official documents used for hiring/appointment to a position.
• Dolezal is the president of a local NAACP chapter, sits on a police oversight committee, and teaches Africana Studies
• She attended Howard University, an HBCU, for graduate school
• She claimed her adopted brother as her son until she was called out on it, and then admitted that he is her brother, but she is now raising him.
• On multiple occasions, when asked about her heritage/ethnicity she has feigned ignorance (“I don’t understand your question.”) or walked away, rather than honestly answering the questions.

Ruthanne and Larry Dolezal; Rachel Dolezal's biological parents

The first three items have been addressed by her parents: • They are her actual, biological parents.
• They are aware of only European ancestry in their lineage and possibly some Native American. They know of no African/African American lineage in either of their families.
• Dolezal’s parents lived in a teepee three years prior to her birth; they contend (and her birth certificate supports) that she was born in a hospital in Lincoln County, Montana.
• Despite her claims of having grown up in Mississippi and lived in South Africa, Dolezal’s parents claim that Rachel attended college in Mississippi after being raised in Montana. As far as living in South Africa, Rachel’s parents and adopted siblings lived there while the parents did missionary work, but Rachel neither lived there nor visited them while they lived there.


Now let’s examine the other items:

• She marked “white, black, Native American, and other” on official documents used for hiring/appointment to a position.
Why? What would be the point of claiming ethnicities/cultures that aren’t actually part of her heritage? While it’s not illegal to claim any specific ethnicity on a job application, it is dishonest (and I’ll address the impacts below).

• Dolezal is the president of a local NAACP chapter, sits on a police oversight committee, and teaches Africana Studies
For none of the above mentioned positions is blackness a prerequisite. The NAACP was founded by a group that included several white people and historically has been supported by non-black people throughout the years. Many members and people in leadership/administrative positions are not black and it makes no difference. The same applies to her ombudsman position on the police oversight committee and her teaching Africana Studies at a university. While some might expect that those positions would be held by an African American person, in many cases they are not.

• She attended Howard University, an HBCU, for graduate school
As of 2012, Howard University reported that 70% of its graduate students self-identified as African American, leaving 30% of the students as something else —be it white, biracial, Asian, Hispanic, Latino, etc. While some might find it odd for non-blacks to attend a historically black college/university (HBCU), it is widely known that many non-black students opt to attend for graduate school as the tuition at HBCUs is generally less expensive and non-black students can qualify for certain scholarships and grants as minorities (get more info here http://time.com/2907332/historically-black-colleges-increasingly-serve-white-students/). Thus, it makes sense to get a graduate degree for substantially less personal cost.

• She claimed her adopted brother as her son until she was called out on it, and then admitted that he is her brother, but she is now raising him.
According to records, Dolezal’s adopted brother/oldest son is 21-year-old Izaiah Dolezal. Basic math proves Rachel Dolezal to be only 16 years his senior. More importantly, depending upon how old Izaiah was when he was adopted, Rachel may very well have been attending college in Mississippi and grad school in Washington, DC for most of his youth, and Izaiah is reportedly the eldest of the adopted siblings. Therefore, how much did she really “grow up with” and identify with her black siblings? Also, many older siblings take on a parental role with their younger siblings, but they don’t claim them as their children. Again, it speaks to a lack of transparency on her part.

• On multiple occasions, when asked about her heritage/ethnicity she has feigned ignorance (“I don’t understand your question.”) or walked away, rather than honestly answering the questions.

This one is very telling. As a person who has been asked all too often, “What are you?” or “Where are you from? Where is your family from?” as a means to divine my ethnicity, I am quite familiar with this sort of situation. Admittedly, I have at times answered the aforementioned questions with “A person/human being” and “New Jersey” respectively when feeling annoyed and/or frustrated by the questions, but I’ve always understood EXACTLY what the person was asking. In Rachel Dolezal’s case, she was asked outright “Are you African American” and responded with “I don’t understand the question.”

Dolezal with Albert Wilkerson, a man she claimed as her father on an NAACP event flyer

Now, let’s talk about the impact of her passing. While some will say that she ultimately did good work in her positions with the NAACP and the City of Spokane, let’s look a bit deeper. While race was not a prerequisite for any of her positions, she was dishonest in how she presented herself for consideration. Imagine for a moment that there was a city commission for the welfare of women and most of the members were men. Upon adding another position, the committee might not require that it be filled by a woman, but they might prefer it and shortlist female candidates. If after some time it was revealed that the appointed person was not, in fact, a woman, but rather a man dressed in women’s clothing, people might not look too kindly upon the ruse.

But what harm did the man do? Well, some women might take offense to a man pretending to be something he is not and having the opportunity to present his experiences and opinions to represent them. Women might resent the fact that the man did not grow up as a woman and navigate the world as a girl and then a woman, dealing with the intricacies, challenges, and obstacles of womanhood. Isn’t that, in essence, what Rachel Dolezal did?

Dolezal in her youth

Rachel Dolezal did not grow up being identified as a black youth. She didn’t deal with racism and prejudice daily. Her family didn’t know the difficulty and oppression of being black in America. For a moment, we can even imagine that her father was/is black, making her biracial. Many biracial children struggle with seeing their black parent experience racism and discrimination. Dolezal didn’t experience that. She has no stories of her ancestors being cheated out of land, run out of town, threatened, disrespected, or belittled for being black.

Personally, I grew up living between two synagogues and had/have several Jewish friends. I also grew up with brothers and as the only girl on one side of the family. However, I never claimed to be either Jewish or male. Certainly these relationships greatly impacted my life and experiences, but neither I nor the millions of other people who grew up in diverse populations and situations appropriated the culture or identity of those other people.

And as a black woman —one many people feel can pass for white— it is particularly offensive to me that she chose this route. You see, if she really was simply enamored with black culture, she could’ve still married a black man, had biracial children, worn her hair in braids/locs, hung out in black social circles, etc. She could’ve chosen to live a life among the black community and lived that life. But Dolezal chose to take a position of leadership within the black community. She chose to be both visible and vocal and then took it a bit further by penning columns and reviews from the supposed point of view of a black woman.
                      

Rachel Dolezal’s wedding. Back row from left to right, according to Lawrence Dolezal: Ruthanne Dolezal, Kevin Moore, Rachel Dolezal, Lawrence Dolezal, and Lawrence Dolezal’s parents, Peggy and Herman. Front row: The Dolezals’ adopted children — Ezra, Izaiah, Esther and Zach.

As black women in America we are too often vilified, stereotyped, devalued, and marginalized. We are too often judged by a European standard of beauty that tells us we’re not good enough. Ironically, our features are coveted and imitated by other races and hailed as sexy and beautiful on women of other races, but somehow, full lips, darker skin, rounded hips, and full breasts on black women just seem to fall short in America. The feminist movement is always credited to women of lighter hues despite the fact that black women are the majority of single-parent households in America and despite what the media would have you believe, most of those single mothers work.

Rachel Dolezal didn’t grow up feeling less than or questioning her place in femininity. On the contrary, she grew up with long, blonde hair and blue eyes, the apex of white beauty. She wasn’t teased for being different; she didn’t feel the sting of being treated differently because of her skin color. She was never subjected to racist remarks and jokes that hurt her spirit and made her question people’s lack of humanity. Dolezal effectively reduced blackness and black womanhood to a few physical features. Her actions basically say that all a white person needs to do to identify as black is visit a tanning salon and get comfortable with an “ethnic” hairstyle.

The subject of passing has been around for centuries, but usually it has been a minority person passing to enter the more privileged class, rather than Dolezal’s reversal of fortune. But look closer and see the bigger picture here. Most often, black/multiracial people who passed for white did it to circumvent the laws and practices that kept them at a lower station in life. There are claims that Babe Ruth and Herbert Hoover were both of black ancestry. If we assume for a moment that they were and thus, were passing, we can understand that they passed in order to gain access to opportunities and livelihoods not afforded to black people and people of mixed ancestry. Many everyday people of whom you’ve never heard have passed for white and used the assimilated privilege to secure a better job, thus a better life, then funneled money back into black organizations and communities to help improve conditions.

But again, Dolezal didn’t do that. There were/are no laws or policies preventing her from working for civil rights organizations, teaching Black History, or serving on a city committee because of her race. So her passing was for her own benefit/whim and not the benefit of the community at-large. While some will say that she wouldn’t have been able to achieve as much or be taken as seriously in these fields as a white woman, that is simply untrue. Are you familiar with Tim Wise? Google him and read about how this white man has become one of the foremost and most sought after writers and speakers in America regarding racism and discrimination and is hailed as an anti-racism activist. He’s not black, and has never attempted to claim blackness.

To add insult to injury, Dolezal has parsed words by saying that all life began in Africa and hence she is an African American; perhaps technically. But as a black woman in America in 2015 where we are still marginalized in society, I take offense to her actions basically stating that black womanhood is tantamount to hair and complexion and for her, is an accessory to be worn or discarded as she sees fit. Tell that to all of the black people who are regularly stopped and frisked; to the people abused at the hands of law enforcement and the American justice system; to those who have been denied access and resources because of their ethnicity. Tell that to all of the women who have neither the luxury nor the privilege of checking their blackness at the door, and see how they respond.

White Students Hang Bananas in Stairwell Called 'The Jungle" and Frequented by Black Students

Two white teens thought it would be funny to hang bananas in the stairwell most often used by black students in their high school. They refer to the stairwell as ‘the jungle.” When asked why, the teen couldn’t explain without resorting to “the blacks call it that too…” In the accompanying video, a white mother chastises the boys saying “it’s not okay to treat people like that.” One boys reaction was, “Well we wouldn’t have said it to people who…” as the mother chastised him some more. I truly wish that the mother would not have interrupted so that we could have heard what type of people would’ve been exempt from this sort of prank.
I get the feeling that the kids really had no idea that it would have caused such a commotion… Therein lies the problem. To them, this is just a prank, a few harmless laughs at the expense of the dignity of their black classmates. Where is the harm in that? The entire incident is actually quite telling; the fact that the area is called ”the jungle,” the fact that no one seemed to see the kids hanging the bananas and thought it needed to be addressed, that a black student was removed from the ensuing confrontation—rather than a white student—and subsequently arrested for assault, the fact that in the video footage, the parking lot has several cars with words like “Let Andrew and Kyle Walk” written on the windows in support of the pranksters who were scheduled to graduate the day following the incident, but feared that disciplinary action might prevent them from taking part in the ceremony.
The school principal decided to suspend the boys for a few days, which would mean that they won’t walk with their classmates at graduation, although they will still receive diplomas. The other boy involved offered as an excuse, “Well, we’re teenagers.” Yes, they are. In a society and media cycle where we are being told time and again that things are changing with this new generation and that race relations are improving because of the current young people, they are teenagers; the hope and promise of a better tomorrow.
Another news report quoted Carel as saying that he still hopes to join his friends at the graduation ceremony, "Walking to my graduation is like once in a lifetime thing, and it just hurts not to be able to walk." Well, Andrew, being the butt of cruel racist jokes should be a never in a lifetime thing and it just hurts not to be able to walk with our heads held high and be considered valuable, viable, worthy and equal.

The Impact of Imagery on Racial Preferences and Biases

      This video speaks volumes about the impact of imagery we see daily on our subconscious minds regarding race and bias. It reminds me so much of a story my mother has more than once recounted to me, of my oldest brother in the early 70s when the other two of us were mere infants. It was time to go to church or some other function that called for dress slacks and a button down shirt with a tie. My brother, who as a toddler had learned to dress himself, had properly dressed himself with the exception of the white tube socks with a bold blue stripe that he had donned with his dress shoes.
   Mother praised him for the bulk of his ensemble, then explained that he needed a pair of dark socks, either black or brown, and sent him back to his dresser to retrieve and put on the correct socks. My brother returned with different socks as instructed, but this time they were white with a red stripe. Mother was busy putting the finishing touches on her own outfit, so again, explained his error and sent him back to his room for the correct socks.
   When my brother returned for the third time with white socks, Mother was perplexed. She began to think that perhaps my brother was color-blind or had some other disorder that prevented him from getting the correct socks. She picked up various items —a comb, a lipstick, a scarf, etc.—and asked him to name each item and its color, which he did without problem or error. Mother then asked my brother to point out something brown and something black in the room, and again, he was able to do both.
   Finally, Mother asked him, "If you know what brown looks like and what black looks like, why won't you put on a pair of dark socks?" Without hesitation my brother replied, "I don't like black or brown! They are ugly!" My brother went on to explain that he didn't like black people and he, himself was not black, but white. He had arrived at his disdain for all things black by watching his favorite television show, Starsky & Hutch and noting that all of the "good guys" were white and all of the pimps, thugs, pushers and other sundry "bad guys" were black or brown.
   What makes this incident even more profound is that this was during the whole "black is beautiful" movement and that our parents were both well-educated professionals who sent us to private schools and took us to Fire Island or The Hamptons for the summer. Regardless of what my brother saw and experienced in his world, the imagery from the television permeated his mind and changed his perception regarding race and racial stereotypes.
   I think about that story and then look at what images persist in the media today and sincerely shudder to think about the effect that imagery has on children today of all races. Studies have proven that "the doll test" still garners the same results more than 60 years later of children (both black and white) showing a preference for white dolls. Recent studies show that law enforcement officers are more likely to shoot a black suspect than a white suspect, and recent "conservative" and "real American" commentary shows an alarming and disturbing resurgence of racist speech and imagery in our country. Couple that with the ridiculous songs and music videos by too many African American artists that glorify violence, materialism and ignorance, and it s no wonder that so many people (both black and white) have a generally negative opinion of black people and culture. If they are never exposed to anything else, can you honestly blame them?
   This is where you and I come into play... We know that all things black are not bad nor are all things white wonderful. We know that each person is an individual and that judging someone's abilities, experiences or values based upon their ethnicity is just plain wrong. We all know or have encountered at least one white person in life who was an absolute pain and an annoyance to tolerate. We also each know at least one intelligent, friendly, hard-working, family-oriented, educated, well-spoken black person. When next you are confronted with stereotypical imagery or have the racist views of an ignoramus inflicted upon you, please, please remember that one great person. Or hopefully, remember the several great and non-stereotypical people you know and make sure that your children, friends and relatives know at least one too. Combat the ignorance with whatever you can, but preferrably with love.

Re: The Police Officer Who Punched the Black, Female Teen

The video has gone viral over the past few days across the country. It is difficult for me to watch on more than one level. I am appalled by the disrespectful behavior of the two girls in question and disheartened and saddened by the sight of a grown man in a police uniform punching a teenage girl in the face. I am not condoning her actions, nor do I support his; but I do understand that the officer had to to do something to gain control of the situation.

   More than watching the actual video, I was terribly frightened, saddened, disillusioned and angered by the comments that popped up on various news and blog sites in reaction to the story. Rather than adding my words for you to read, I give you just a few of the words posted in comments. For those who say race relations have improved in this country, you might want to think again. I constantly get so frustrated when people say, "black people always pull the race card." We've talked about stereotypes and biases, and a recent study has shown that police officers are more likely to use force or even shoot an unarmed black person than they are an armed white person. Read a few of the comments and please notice that the mention of race comes from an anti-black perspective rather than an anti-white perspective. It reminds me of the movie, A Time to Kill, when in his summation, the white lawyer asks jurors to imagine a little girl being beaten, raped and dragged and then instructs them: "Now imagine she  is white," and the jurors are moved to tears, as well as an acquittal. Ask yourself honestly, would this have happened if these girls were white? Would it have happened in the same manner? Food for thought, folks.

Random comments from Yahoo News:

FIGURES, 2 black females assault a cop and when he calms one down the only way he could now hes the bad guy. what about charging these women with assault? if they would have acted normally which most black women dont you see in this video how they act and go to Atlanta, Ga you will see the same but if they acted normally and took the ticket none of this would have happened. im SO TIRED of people acting like animals and when the law does something about it everyone wants the cop to lose his job, why not lock up these animals. sorry if this is offensive but i have to call it like i see it.

Cant say the cop was in the wrong because I dont know the situation. Although it was a white cop in what looked to be a black area. And we all know how black people are, when you fight one you fight them all. So i would guess it was a tense situation.


That was one of the best videos Ive seen in a long time. 2 black upity young dummys got what was coming. If it was me, I would have zapped both of them. Then you have old man black boo saying it was excessive force?? He should habe been apologizing for his race acting like a couple of dumb%$#%.

You NIGS and scumbags are defending a piece of thrash that didn't listen to the police officer. She grabbed his arm first and it says so. She should've been arrested for obstruction and assaulting a police officer. Of course it was a BLACK lady. They're worse than black men when it comes to respecting the law or respecting anything for that matter. Of course, the Dems., LIbs and Blacks and all the other IGNORANT groups that have ruined this country are up in arms. I'm glad he punched her in the face. Hopefully, she'll try it again and next time they'll shoot her black @ss. Shoot all blacks now! they're all criminals anyways!

most white people would not have resisted but rather try to talk out of a ticket but black scum always try to start@#$% using the race card. If they cant act like respectable ladies treat them like the scum they are. They want to act like tuff @#$%es they need to be treated that way. They broke the law and resisted arrest in a violent way so tuff @#$% they deserve what they got

the blacks love this stuff. the girl probably did it on purpose to bait the white cop. somebody was sure ready with the camera. You seldom see whites acting like this.

That's what you get when you don't obey the law! and stop acting like you people still live in the jungle.!. and please be more civillized.. so we can all live peaceful in this country..! and it was not a racist thing.

Good for the cop. That @#$% desrerved it. Waaahhh! Another white cop beating a black person. Boo hoo. Those stupid girls deserved it. Why can't they just be quiet and cooperate? Because young black @#$%es are dumb.
Those two young black girls are crying racism huh, and police brutality. Those two young black girls are future democrat voters. Those two black girls are future wards of the state. Those two black girls are contributing to the down fall of our great country. There lives are @#$% and there lives will always be @#$%. It's a mentality most minorities have. It's self destructive.

Planet of the apes part 10 - Ape cop killers

Everything Old Is New Again

I found myself watching an old movie last night and being struck by the fact that much of the dialogue seemed exactly like many of the things we are hearing today from the "Teabaggers" regarding America. The movie was Betrayed, starring Debra Winger and Tom Berenger, from 1988. It is the story of an undercover FBI agent (Winger) sent in to gain the trust of and investigate a suspected white supremacist/militia sect in the Midwest and its leader (Berenger).

Berenger's character and his friends uses phrases like, "our America," "they're taking it all away," and "before they take over..." They lament a lost time when "things were different" and harbor resentment for immigrants and minorities. They teach their children that Affirmative Action is punishing white people and rewarding minorities. They refer to Jews and African-Americans as "dirty" and Arabs as "Abba Dabbas."

In one particularly disturbing scene, Berenger's six-year-old daughter is relieved to no longer have to "keep secrets" from Winger and proudly recites racist propaganda about "dirty rabbis and niggers" to a shocked and horrified Winger. My skin literally crawled as the words effortlessly rolled off of the tongue of a seemingly innocent little girl. In another scene, the family attends a camping weekend with hundreds of white supremacists where the children are taught more hatred, as well as how to use firearms. The targets at which they aim are derogatory, cartoonish depictions of Jewish and African American people.


I felt angry and hurt that children were and are being taught to hate people because of the color of their skin or their religious beliefs. It reminded me of a personal experience at around 12 years old when a girl who was new in my neighborhood and had quickly become my friend, was surprised when invited to my house for dinner and my two brown-skinned brothers sat down at the table. She looked confused and uncomfortable as she asked me, "Who are they?" Upon learning that they were my brothers, she became quiet and silently ate the dinner my mother (who looks much like me) had prepared, then politely asked to be excused from the table and retreated to my bedroom. Once I joined her in my room, she sheepishly asked me, "Are they really your brothers?" before expressing both confusion and disapproval and saying, "but they're black." Upon my confirmation of their and my own blackness she didn't speak another word to me, she simply gathered her belongings and unceremoniously walked downstairs, out the front door, down the street and out of my life. She never again spoke to me. Ever.

Compounding the insult and injury of the movie, the Teabaggers and my recollection of that long-ago-but-still-painful memory is the recent news that a study reveals that today's kindergartner's still exhibit a preference for lighter skin. Watching a video clip where young children exhibit colorism by attributing positive qualities to lighter-skinned children and negative qualities to darker-skinned children simply broke my heart. Hearing a singsong child's voice explain that this other child was ugly, mean or stupid "because he has dark skin" seemed so antiquated and unbelievable. But nonetheless, it is happening in 2010, in America...Not just in rural towns, but in places like New York City and Atlanta.
Video: 'Show me the dumb child'


It stings even more to think that these children are not being overtly "taught" these things. The majority of the children who took part in the studies are not children of white supremacists and militia members who are indoctrinating them with these ideas. No, they are drawing these conclusions and perpetuating racism, colorism and stereotypes simply by observing what goes on around them and in the media. They are picking up on subtle and not-so-subtle social cues that teach them that light is right and dark is bad. Like the old 1970's saying went: "If you're black, get back,  if you're brown, stick around and if you're white, you're alright." It is 40 years later, so these children need not ever know such a saying or such a thought process.

What it all boils down to is simple... Even in 2010, it is not enough to "not teach" hatred and racism to our children; we need to actively teach them tolerance, equality and brotherhood. I sometimes find myself thinking back to that girl who shunned my friendship upon realizing that I was black. I wonder if today her children would be allowed to play with mine. We have to break the cycle.

 

If A 'Teabagger' Uses the ' N Word' on Capitol Hill and Nobody Records It, Does It Make A Sound?

    Ah, one of the great unanswered questions of the universe... I am, of course, referring to an incident that took place in Washington, D.C. in March during the contentious health care debates. Representatives John Lewis, André Carson and Emanuel Cleaver (all African American) claim that as they walked from one building to another, passionately protesting 'teabaggers' yelled at them, and rather than keeping the rhetoric to the subject at hand, the protesters hurled 'the N word' at them.

    One of the gentlemen claims he was also spat upon and interestingly enough, video captured from the protest shows a policeman handcuffing an aggressive protester. Footage is being studied to determine if it shows the man actually spitting. Meanwhile, Andrew Brietbart (the web entrepreneur who released the video of ACORN workers counseling actors posing as a pimp and prostitute) claims that the protest was peaceful and that there was absolutely no spitting and nary an 'N word' was uttered by any of the people carrying signs depicting President Obama as Adolph Hitler, a primate or in black face. To up the ante, Brietbart has pledged $100,000 to the United Negro College Fund if anyone provides proof of the epithets, adding, "It didn't happen," despite the fact that he was not there personally. He even continued to say,"This is 2010. Even a racist is media-savvy enough not to yell the N-word."

    Did you catch that? Yes, Brietbart is "offering" $100,000 for any proof that the epithets were actually spewed, but in practically the same breath, he basically told his teabagger compadres to destroy or hide any audio or video evidence that might be in their possession, lest he have to give the UNCF money and help any more 'N words' get an education. After all, isn't the UNCF in some way responsible for the ivy league education that produced President Barack Obama, the bain of the conservative racist movement's existence?

   The other thing that I find appalling about this entire thing is the fact that the word of three black Congressmen—one of whom is a Civil Rights legend—is being questioned. It's not as if they are accusing the teabaggers of arriving in spaceships and commencing to anal probe all black people. It is not an outlandish claim nor is it difficult to believe that a mob of angry, bitter people who blame all of the ills of American society on the lone black man who had the audacity to run for and be elected president, would in a heated moment amid the mob mentality yell "Nigger!" at a black politician, is it?

   It saddens me that we are urged not to believe that this incident happened, yet time after time, a crime is committed and a white face claims "a black man did it" and that claim is believed and all too often avenged before a few hours or days go by and it is proven that it is not the case. For more information on the "a black man did it" phenomenon, Google "Susan Smith," "Ashley Todd" and "Bonnie Sweeten" and then see if you feel a little saddened, angered or otherwise regarding this debacle.

   It has been said that the greatest trick The Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he does not exist. Okay angry, teabagger, white racist devil— try as you might to pull a Jedi mind trick and convince us of the same, but we know that you do exist and that the N word can and does roll off of your tongue with ease. Here's hoping that just one person who was among you that day in March has a heart and a conscience and comes forward with that video or audio evidence and that when it happens, Brietbart will keep his word.

Jail-Themed Playground in NYC Public Housing & It's Potential Effect on Children

From the files of "we cannot make this stuff up" comes the story about a playground in the Tompkins Houses housing project in Bedford-Stuyvesant (BedStuy) Brooklyn. A picture is truly worth a thousand words, so I give you the photo in all of it's unadulterated shame...

While some will say that it is just an homage to kids playing "Cops & Robbers" as they have done for decades, I wholeheartedly disagree. Number one, kids don't really play that game on playgrounds anymore, and most black parents teach their pre-school aged boys not even make a gun out of their fingers for fear that some over-zealous officer will shoot first and ask questions later citing, "He had a weapon! It looked like a weapon and I was in fear for my life" and beat both the criminal and civil cases.

I live in a suburban area (code for mostly white) and the playgrounds in my neighborhood have jungle gyms (as we used to call them) fashioned after castles, airplanes, cars and even a stagecoach. Naturally, these structures are designed to nurture a child's imagination while they climb, swing and jump or simply turn the steering wheel, spin the propeller, etc. So, it would seem that while little Molly and Jake are inspired to imagine being a princess or a pilot, little Imani and DeShawn are encouraged to imagine being in jail.

It got me thinking about how other toys and games might have a similarly insidious effect on black and hispanic children, so I pondered some of the toys and games from my youth in the 1970s:

The Easy Bake Oven would now be the "Easy Crack Oven." Complete with measuring spoons for just-the-right-cut of baking soda, syringes and even the handy-handle to eliminate those pesky burns on the kids' hands that too often spark annoying visits from CPS/DYFS and cause entire batches to be flushed down toilets or swallowed to avoid mandatory jail time.

Hot Wheels cars will still be known as Hot Wheels, but now come with one tire that is slightly less inflated than the others so it warrants being pulled over repeatedly. Also included is a choice of a bag of incriminating evidence such as drug paraphernalia or a "slim jim" and various warrants for minority children who play with the cars.

CHiPs Action Figures still feature "Ponch" and "Jon," but their uniforms will be updated to include Tasers as well as more durable "billy clubs" for use during prolonged beatdowns of minority men who have been pulled over with the aforementioned Hot Wheels. Collectible packages will also include flashlights and plungers to be used at the officers' discretion to sodomize any innocent-until-proven-guilty suspects they might harass, torment or arrest. 

Slinky toys will continue to walk down stairs alone or in pairs and make a slinkity sound in white neighborhoods. They will, however, be used in lieu of "flexi-cuffs" for use in subduing minority suspects. They can be used to secure hands and feet and also are useful in implementing illegal chokeholds. They are currently being tested for use in sodomizing suspects as well.

Interconnecting LEGO blocks, designed to foster imagination and creativity in future architects and engineers, will be used in the ghetto to inspire young black children to adopt threatening facial expressions and attach guns to their hands. It seems that the only black LEGO character to be found was this one (I never really thought about it as a child, but ALL of our LEGO sets came with yellow people with detachable hair that emulated a "bowl cut" for men and a flip, bob or ponytail for women). Law enforcement officers will study the LEGO figure and carry a copy of a photo of it at all times so that black men will always "fit the description" of one suspect or another.

Finally, the Game of Life will add brown pegs and the game will include technology that allows any cars carrying the brown pegs to bypass college and marriage and head directly to the welfare or unemployment office. After a few lost turns there, brown pieces will proceed to jail where the Game of Life will either end in physical death or the death of their spirit and hope. Any brown pegs released from jail will be doomed to continue playing with Hot Wheels, CHiPS dolls and Slinkys and repeat the incarceration portion of Life as there is plenty of funding for incarceration, but very little for education and rehabilitation.

*Note: Life will also detect when two pink or two blue pegs occupy the same car and detour them away from church and marriage, while allowing them access to education.

The Devil Made Pat Do It

By now you’ve seen the video clip, read the text or heard about Pat Robertson’s comments about the devastating earthquake in Haiti and his take on why it happened.

No, “Uncle Pat” is not a seismologist to my knowledge, but he has a theory and was happy to share it with the world. For those who are unaware, here is the text and the video:

And you know, Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to The Devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.

Mmkay, so all that I really have to say here is that “Uncle Pat” is ca-ra-zy! Well, that’s not nice, and my mother did teach me better than that so suffice to say that Mr. Robertson is citing a supposed 1791 conversation between a group of Haitians, a voodoo priest and The Devil. Robertson goes so far as to say, “True story” to reassure us that he knows whereof he speaks.

After a bit of consternation and pondering the likelihood of this having taken place, I decided to use logic and deductive reasoning to determine Robertson’s sincerity and the accuracy of his words:

• The supposed pact took place in 1791
• In order to prove this story true, there would have to have been a witness or witnesses
• Pat Robertson seems to be in the know about exactly what was said and what transpired
• Hence, Pat Robertson is either a 219-year-old Haitian, a voodoo priest or The Devil.

I’m putting my money on him being The Devil.

What's Said in Here Does Not Stay in Here: I Hear White People

"A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee…" —Former President Bill Clinton

“Obama is light-skinned” and has “no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."— Senator Harry Reid (D-NV)

These quotes are from a new political book, Game Change. Many people are up in arms about the comments, calling Clinton and Reid racists and demanding that Reid step down as Senate Majority Leader. White women are clutching their pearls while old white Republican males rush to remind people that the Republicans freed the slaves, while black/African American and even a few Negroes feign shock and disgust at the comments.

First off, the only people who could possibly be shocked by comments like these are white people. Yeah, I said it. Let’s face it, any black/African American or even Negro person in America knows that white people (not all, but many) interact quite differently when they are or believe that they are no longer in mixed company. The race jokes abound, white males feel free to mimic the speech patterns and walks of black men they see on television, they might even sing along with an MC Hammer or Will Smith record. If enough alcohol is imbibed and there are no blacks/African Americans or Negroes on the wait staff, they might even try to kick something by 50 Cent, Jay-Z or Kanye. This particular scene is always worth far more than the price of admission.

It reminds me a little bit of an old Eddie Murphy clip from Saturday Night Live that my family affectionately calls “Mr. White.” Murphy undergoes an extreme makeover to appear white and adjusts his speech and mannerisms to go “undercover” in society as a white man. Much to his surprise, he is offered cocktails on a city bus once the minority passengers have exited, a free newspaper at a store and even free money at a bank—all due to the fact that he is white.


While this is a send-up and goes a bit far, the bit does have merit. White people tend to behave differently when in white-only situations, just as black people, Hispanics and everyone else do. It is much the same in the way that I might walk around the house with my hair in rollers amongst family, but I certainly wouldn’t do it in public (I know, plenty of other folks would, but that’s a whole different topic). Many black/African American /Negro people will use a different cadence when in homogenous company, just as many Latinos/Hispanics or other foreign language-speaking people might speak in their native tongues.
As for Mr. Reid’s and Mr. Clinton’s comments, did they lie? Sadly, they did not. Forty, thirty or even twenty years ago—the only thing Barack Obama could have done at the White House was bring coffee, shine a few shoes and smile while saying “Yassir” to every white face in the building. And though no one wants to admit it, if Barack Obama had the complexion of Yaphet Koto, Wesley Snipes or Djimon Hounsou and used “dem, dat, dose and dese” in his regular speech, they wouldn’t even let him shine shoes. America is still quite color conscious, regardless of what people say or would like others to believe. As for the use of the word "Negro," hell I am black/African American/Negro and I use the words interchangeably myself.

I’m unsure of the context in which these comments were made, but I will not purchase the book and add fuel to the fire in order to find out. One can likely pretty accurately assume that Reid’s comment was made in a context of “Hey look, if ever there was a black/African American/Negro candidate for the presidency, Obama is it. He is light-skinned—and hence less ‘threatening’ to most whites than a darker skinned black male. And, to hear him speak, most people wouldn’t perceive him as black/African American/Negro since most white people think all black people sound like the crackheads, gang-bangers, rappers and buffoons they see in television shows and movies…”

As for Clinton’s comment, as a standalone fragment it seems pretty bad. But what if it went something like this: “Wow! Barack Obama is the first black president! It’s hard to believe—I mean, a few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee—unable to be recognized as a viable candidate despite being qualified…” Not quite so condemning now, huh?

The moral of the story is that we no longer live in a country or a time where the media reports the news—now they create, cook and spin it into a ready-made opinion to save you the trouble of forming one of your own. Some modern conveniences like the refrigerator, microwave, washing machine, dishwasher, cell phone, internet and the like are great. But falling into the trap of mainstream media and believing what they want you to believe without digging deeper and finding the truth is in no way convenient. It is actually quite dangerous. The leader of the free world has better things with which to worry himself, so please, check the sources, do some research and handle this type of your stuff for yourself.

White Writer's Take on Black Black vs. Barack Black, Featuring Jay-Z

I find my fingers striking the keyboard with gale force. I know I shouldn't allow myself to be annoyed or offended by this stuff but nonetheless, I am. In an Esquire magazine piece on Jay-Z, writer Lisa Taddeo

anoints Jay-Z as "the first black-black guy to cross over into Oprah-land and Bill Clintonworld without making the Oprah-sized no-look-back forward flip that means you're selling not necessarily your soul but perhaps something fleshier, a little more external."

She takes it a bit further with the assertion that "Jay-Z is black black. He is old-school double-dark-chocolate-chunk black. He is black the way Labatt is blue. He is not white black, Barack black, like our president. Or the kind of black that doesn't curse and deplores the n-word, the genteel black, like Oprah."

I guess Ms. Taddeo (like most of the world) has yet  to read this blog, hence she is one of what seems to be the majority of white Americans who have been brainwashed by mainstream media to believe that "black black" (real, average, everyday) black people grow up in poverty, sell drugs and own guns; whereas "Barack black" black people who speak proper English, get an education, marry before having children and have good credit and no criminal record are somehow less authentic, less everyday and more of the exception than the rule.

I wholeheartedly concede that neither Oprah Winfrey or Barack Obama are average everyday people. But that has nothing to do with their race and everything to do with their tenacity, business/media savvy and a heaping dose of being in the right place at the right time. Neither Obama nor Winfrey could have achieved what they have 30 years ago—no black American could have.

But where did the writer get the idea that Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey are less than authentic black people? Because they appeal to white people and can conjugate a verb means they are being less than true to themselves? I cringe and become enraged as I revisit the myriad instances when I've been accused of being exactly that for precisely the same reasons. Sadly, not only do misinformed and small-mind white people harbor such beliefs, but also black Americans who either choose to live in  a state of self-pity or have drunk enough Kool-Aid that they actually believe and insist upon living down to the general negative stereotypes.

As my stomach begins to settle and my fingers once again begin typing rather than assaulting the keys, a realization begins to form in my mind, perhaps a partial epiphany. The years of "separate but equal" did all too good a job of not only separating but hiding the black middle class. Those grainy black and white film clips from the 60s and 70s are filled with housing projects, riots, serpentine welfare lines and downtrodden and defeated looking black people. Rarely do they depict the neatly-landscaped yards and clean streets of black middle class neighborhoods where black doctors, lawyers, teachers and the like raised their children.

I digress and suffice to say that this is yet another example of the one-sided story that mainstream media tells regarding African Americans.

The Latest Technology... Is Racist!

LOL! How about a collective "Woo-Sah!" before we get ourselves worked up here? I'm going to share with you today a video that will hopefully make you laugh at least a little bit, as well as make you think. I find that I can actually be more logical and rational when I can see the humor in things so let's hope you operate in a similar fashion.

This video depicts the latest face-recognition software from HP. It is designed so that the built-in webcam on their newest media computers will follow the user's movements. We can all imagine the cool factor in this, right? Imagine all of the people filming themselves dancing to Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" and how magnificent their homages could have truly been if only their webcams could have followed their movements... Watch the video and then we'll chat.




Okay, so by now, hopefully you've had a bit of a chuckle and you are thinking about how or why this could be considered racist. According to HP:

We are working with our partners to learn more. The technology we use is built on standard algorithms that measure the difference in intensity of contrast between the eyes and the upper cheek and nose. We believe that the camera might have difficulty "seeing" contrast in conditions where there is insufficient foreground lighting.

Alright, I can accept that it has to do with technology and algorithms and honestly, I either slept through the algorithm stuff in college or killed those brain cells at a party so I'll accept that it is a reasonable scientific explanation. For me, herein lies the problem... One must assume that the technology was tested rigorously and that those tests had to include actual test trials with people moving around to make sure that the lens followed them. Based upon this demonstration and the HP statement above, one must also assume that either HP had absolutely no black people testing these cameras (or only really, really, really light ones like myself), or they did have African American testers and one of the following scenarios took place:

• The black webcam testers had poor results but HP figured that most black people don't use computers anyway so it wasn't a concern
• The black testers had acceptable results because their glasses of red Kool Aid provided the necessary contrast
• HP decided to forgo testing since they assumed it would work with black people in much the same way that the security cameras follow their African American employees throughout the building
• The black people intimidated the cameras into not following them by wearing shirts that read, "No Snitchin'"

I'm thinking it was most likely a case of no or not enough black camera testers and that is yet another reminder that for many, black people are seen more as an afterthought than part of the customer base or even mainstream population. I can guarantee you that the directions for using the webcam are available in both English and Spanish, and probably a few other languages; but sadly—much like many people in our society—the cameras do not recognize black people as people at all. Hmm, I wonder if the webcam would follow Tiger Woods?

Gift Guide for the Racially Insensitive Everywhere

I definitely missed the memo that said that 2009 was the new 1959 racially. I can't find the words—The NY Times in 2009 publishes a gift-giving guide for people of color? So, is this like saying: "Here are some ideas for a holiday gift for your one minority friend" to white people? C'mon! I've never had to consult a special guide for giving gifts to non-black people—unless you count the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.

This speaks to the old "us & them" theory. Why do people think that because their pigment is different then their tastes, hobbies and interests must be? Some of it is really funny to me, like the Somali-influenced designer apparel. Sure, I've rocked my share of kente cloth and animal print, but I always chuckle when I go to an African-themed show, play or event and I see more older, monied white women in African print than black women.

It's reminiscent to me of the "Ethnic Hair Products" aisle or section in most drug/beauty stores. I guess retail is still promoting segregation because it seems that products marketed toward kinky/coarse/ethnic hair (which are usually quite unhealthy for the hair type) are not permitted to sit happily on the shelf beside their marketed-for-white-people counterparts. Queen Helene and Dr. Miracle are relegated to the Negro section while Paul Mitchell and John Frieda are hitting on the Breck Girl and trying to ply her with smoothing serum and ice shine before bending her around a curling iron and then leaving her stiff and flaky after a good alcohol-based spritz!

The "Nursery Jamz" just about had me on the floor. So are we now saying that "traditional" nursery rhymes are for white children and "remixes" are for kids of color? Mmkay, yeah—makes sense to me (insert eye roll here).  Even funnier to me are the books on black and Asian make-up. I promise you, these books are more for non-black and non-Asian make-up artists than they are for women of color. We've been applying our make-up for years and we are actually familiar with our skin tones so it isn't really a great mystery to us.

I'm not trying to diss any of the products suggested, I merely want people to realize that we don't need to shop for the race of a person—we shop for the person. People of color are not one dimensional and until the government scientists perfect their implant chips and the mind control drugs in the fried chicken, we're not all going to like one thing or another because it is supposedly geared toward us.

On that note, I hope you'll open your mind and go beyond the aforementioned gift guide to find gifts suited to your friends and acquaintances based on their personal tastes, rather than their ethnic backgrounds. Think about what you have in common and what drew you together as friends and go from there. On a parting note, since I can't tell you what they will definitely like, let me at least give you a few tips on what NOT to give:

1. Watermelon
2. Afro/Ultra sheen
3. KFC gift cards (Popeye's cards are the preferred gift of chicken in the black community)
4. Vaseline/Chapstick
5. Grape soda/Kool Aid with extra sugar
6. Woody Allen movies or the "Friends" DVD set
7. Anything involving Michael Steele
8. Asher Roth CD's
9. Doo rags/head scarves
10. Jheri juice/relaxer/pomade

Merry Christmas and happy giving!

Two Black Actors Missing in U.K.

Okay, so we don't need to issue an AMBER Alert or anything... But Faizon Love and Kali Hawk are missing from the U.K. version of posters for their recent movie, Couples Retreat. The film is a comedy about four couples who go on a group vacation in an island paradise where (naturally) hilarity ensues. Three of the four couples are comprised of white actors, with the fourth couple being Love and Hawk, who are African American. There's always one token black character in these buddy films, or maybe not? They didn't just remove their pictures from the poster, but their names as well. But then again, yeah—one kind of expects someone named "Faizon" to be black (although some might have thought he was perhaps the sibling of Jennifer Love Hewitt, right?).

Universal Pictures has apologized for any offense caused by the actors' removal, claiming that they just wanted  "to simplify the poster to actors who are most recognizable in international markets." Mmkay, so did they "simplify" the film and remove the black actors altogether? Of course not! The black characters are integral to the plot as without a black man and his storied package, the nudity joke wouldn't be as funny. I wonder how many tickets were purchased by women hoping to get a look at Love's penis...Oh, and Hawk's role was pivotal too—as without her, there would have been no stereotypically loud and obnoxious attitude-having, neck-wiggling, eye-rolling black woman.

Personally, I find it curious that the characters were removed on the premise that the black actors were less recognizable than their white counterparts. I mean, Kristen Bell and Malin Ackerman are household names, after all. Right?

Universal has assured us that they will not use the altered posters in any other markets—great! But what does it say that in 2009, marketing executives feel that not only are black actors on an ensemble film poster distracting or less "simple" than a poster with only white actors—but that we are too stupid or clueless to notice it. And maybe, just maybe, it speaks to the fact that some people don't see the token black friend character as necessary or realistic.

Granted, this movie is not of one of my preferred genres, but honestly, if the black actors made the sophomoric and sub-par movie, don't they deserve to be credited with having done it?

"Skin" Movie Goes More Than Skin Deep

      (L-R) Sandra Laing with Actresses Ella Ramangwane and Sophie Okonedo

I recently had the privilege of seeing the film Skin, starring Sophie Okonedo. The true story of Sandra Laing, Skin chronicles the life of a girl born to white Afrikaner parents in 1955. Sandra's skin is inexplicably dark and her hair tightly curled. In Apartheid South Africa, this can only be a tale of heartbreak and struggle.

Sandra's appearance is explained as a "throwback," a genetic occurrence of enough latent black genes in each of her parents to produce a "coloured" child. Sandra's life is defined by her skin color and hair texture, despite her parents' white status and her father's fight to have her classified as white to match that of her parents and her upbringing.

This movie spoke to me on so many levels. Sure, there was the raw, human emotion of Sandra and her family's struggle, but there was also the internal struggle she felt. The juxtaposition of who she was on the outside—a black woman in Apartheid South Africa, and who she was on the inside—a white girl interrupted by the ugly truth of race, predjudice and injustice.

While I cannot identify with Apartheid, I do know the feeling of being seen as one thing while actually being another. Ironically, my situation is the exact opposite of hers; while people saw her as black and she was raised as white, I was raised as black and people often see me as white, Latina or some sort of Mediterranean ethnicity. After a long-held hatred for the word "exotic," I have finally learned to embrace and accept it when used to describe my appearance.

Watching this film, I revisited moments of wondering how my more traditionally African American-appearing brothers' lives differ from mine. I attempted to imagine Sandra's isolation and loneliness and failed, miserably. It was a sad and sorry wake up call for me regarding just how important the hue of one's skin really is in our world and our society. Try as we might to claim that we have evolved socially and that we care more for the person inside, rather than the shade of the skin on the outside—this film is a gripping reminder that the world and even family is not colorblind.

Sandra Laing's story is one that everybody of every color and ethnicity should see. This is a film that truly got under my Skin.

How NOT to win friends and Influence Black People

A few of my white readers have expressed to me the fact that they want to have conversations about race in America and they want to have them with African Americans. The problem, they say, is that they don’t know how to begin and they are afraid of unintentionally offending people. We all know that discussions about race can become quite passionate, and some people can be intimidated or discouraged by that passion. It is with these readers in mind that today’s entry was written. I offer you a list of things (besides the n-word) white people ought not to say to black people when trying to have a logical and sane conversation:


• “You speak so well,” “You speak so well for a black person” or “You’re really articulate.”

This may, in fact seem like a compliment, but trust me—it is not one. Expressing surprise or finding novelty in the fact that a black person speaks properly implies that it is not the norm and that you actually expect that all or most black people sound like the cast of Flavor of Love or some really bad movie that panders to black audiences, such as Soul Plane. It’s like a black person assuming that all white people sound like Larry the Cable Guy or Roseanne Barr. The key difference here is that there are countless television shows and movies that depict articulate and intelligent white people. Upstanding, educated and well-spoken black people depicted—not so much. Watch this clip from the acclaimed film Hollywood Shuffle to learn more.


• “You are really good looking/pretty for a black guy/gal” or “You’re cute for a dark-skinned guy/gal.”



I shouldn’t even have to address this, but alas, I do. Would you tell a white woman she is “pretty for an Italian girl” or a white guy that he is “cute for a Jewish guy?” No, you would not (and if you would you have “no home training” as we say). Would you eat dinner at someone’s house and say “this is really good for vomit?” It’s akin to saying, “You are really smart for a retard!” It implies a lowered expectation or standard for ethnic beauty and surprise or recalcitrance at the idea of a black person being attractive or beautiful.



• “Are you from the projects?” or “When did you move out of the ‘hood?”

Let’s face it, most of the black people with whom you interact are people you know from church, school, work or some sort of social or professional group. So why is it so hard to believe that their lifestyle is quite similar to yours? Do you assume all white people come from trailer parks? Yes, some black people live or have lived in low-income housing—but so have and do plenty of white people. The same goes for receiving food stamps and welfare checks too. Here is a little something on "The Black Middle Class" for your reading enjoyment. And just so you know: Rapper Lupe Fiasco's mother is a gourmet chef, his dad, an engineer; Rapper/Actor Will Smith's mother was a school teacher, dad was an engineer; Kanye West's mother was Chair of the English Department at Chicago State University and his father was a photojournalist for the Atlanta Journal Constitution. And those are just a few black middle class rappers. Dr. Mary Patillo is an authority on the Black Middle Class. Watch this clip (or get one of her books) if you'd like more information.


• “I bet you’re a really good dancer!” or “You must be a good rapper!”

Ok, so the stereotype is that black people are good dancers and I’ll admit that many of us live up to that stereotype. However, not all of us do (Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and LaToya Jackson come to mind). Wow, think about that for a minute…Michael Jackson’s sister LaToya can’t dance! As much talent as that family has—and she sings like a wounded hyena and dances like a drunken skunk. I couldn't resist sharing this gem with you...

Yes, there are many incredible black entertainers who can or could cut a rug—MJ, James Brown, Janet Jackson, Usher, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. There are or were plenty of impressive black rappers such as Biggie, Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Tupac, etc. Please keep in mind though, that for every Jay-Z there are millions of this guy:


The entertainment business was built on the backs of great black entertainers. Ok—but the porno industry was built on the backs of plenty of skinny, freaky white women; so according to this logic, should I assume that all white women like depraved and deviant sex? Should I approach them and remark, “You must be really good at oral sex?” Probably not.

There are more no-no’s, but we’ll cover those some other time. I want to give you some time to let the first lesson sink in and marinate so as not to discourage or overload you. Have you ever thought or said any of these things? If you did say them, I’d be interested to know how you survived the beatdown to tell of it. Just kidding!

DON'T Do It for the Children

Mmkay, so a Louisiana justice of the peace refuses to marry interracial couples in 2009 because he "says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long." Interesting... I was unaware that the 50% divorce rate in America was due to the 7% of marriages that are classified as interracial.

Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish,told the Daily Star of Hammond that he was not a racist. "I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house," Bardwell said. "My main concern is for the children."

Is he concerned for the potential children of two white drug addicts or two black ex-convicts who ask to be married? If the couple signed an affidavit stating that they did not plan to reproduce, would he then marry them? If my senior citizen mother wanted to marry a white man, would that be okay? Oh, wait! Mother stays away from Louisiana—lest they revoke her Negro card.

I wonder how he determines the race of the couple? Many members of my family are what people call "racially ambiguous." If you put us in a room with black folks—we're black; with white folks we're white, Latinos, Mediterraneans, etc. Neither my driver's license nor certified birth certificate lists my race, so would he just guess?

Well, if I go from personal experience I can say this: three of my four grandparents were the products of interracial marriages. The fourth was a quadroon or whatever you want to call it. All of their parents enjoyed domestic bliss (they were not legally allowed to marry) until they were separated from their spouses by death. Perhaps I am biased. but all of my grandparents turned out just fine and on both sides of my family, my grandparents were married for more than 50 years until one of the spouses died.

I can understand Mr. Bardwell's concern for the children, though. After all, does the world really need more people like Barack Obama, Tiger Woods, Halle Berry, Lenny Kravitz, Wentworth Miller, Mariah Carey, Amanda Marshall, Emily King, Eartha Kitt, Dorothy Dandridge, Derek Jeter, W.E.B. DuBois, Fredrick Douglass, Adam Clayton Powell, Bob Marley, Walter Mosley, Soledad O'Brien, my BFF Carmen, my dear friend Brooke's girls or Kyle's children or My L'il Sis M's son or any of my family members? Yeah—okay. Lookout Mr. Bardwell... We're coming atcha with all of our interracial love!